OVERCOMING THE SCHOOLYARD SHAME
It was a sunny day in Brisbane. Anna, age six was sitting in the shade enjoying her lunch when Ms Taylor stood over her with pursed lips. “You shouldn’t be eating that,” she sneered as she snatched Anna’s lunch and tossed it in the bin. Whenever Ms Taylor was on yard duty she would find Anna and take her lunch. This continued for many months. Anna felt ashamed, embarrassed and hungry.
Anna’s mother Jackie knew something was bothering Anna. She had become withdrawn and was not her usual bubbly self. “She loved school. So when she started to cry when she had to go to school I knew something was very wrong.”
When Anna finally told her what was happening Jackie was furious. She immediately told Anna’s teacher what Ms Taylor was doing. She told him if he didn’t do something about it – she would. “He calmed me down and assured me that he would take it further. Because of privacy they never told me why Ms Taylor left the school but I think she was given the option to resign or be fired. I think this is the one thing that has stuck in Anna’s mind all these years and it broke my heart to see her so upset.”
But the humiliation did not end for Anna. A gifted singer, she was the main act in a Christmas show at her school when she was ten years old. Anna has always enjoyed singing; “My singing was and still is the only thing I’m 100 percent confident about myself in. Back then, it gave me an escape from who I really was.”
Before the show, the students performing were told they were going to appear on TV. The teacher organising the event told Anna she was no longer required to sing. Anna knew she was left out because of her weight, as the teacher could not provide a reason for her sudden exclusion from the show.
Anna was happy to finish primary school and thrived in secondary school; “I felt safe in a single sex environment.” However outside of school she felt exposed, “I’d have people scream things out on the street about my weight.”
At her heaviest, as a 20 year old, Anna weighed 180 kilograms. Anna’s problem was once she started eating she couldn’t stop. This is a characteristic of Binge Eating Disorder which is often described as a disorder that is an expression of deeper psychological problems. Suffers of this disorder often eat large amounts of food even when not hungry. They eat more rapidly than usual,until they are uncomfortably full. They also feel feelings of disgust, guilt or shame after binging.
The Butterfly foundation assists people in overcoming eating disorders through promoting a positive body image. The manager of education services in Victoria, Danni Watts says Anna is not alone in her experience.
“Eating issues develop due to a combination of many things. However, bullying and teasing, be it from other children, siblings or a teacher, teamed with low self esteem can develop into food and/or body issues later in life.”
She moved to Melbourne with her best friend in 2003. They frequented at gay clubs as Anna felt that she wasn’t judged by the men in this environment. “They made me feel like I was beautiful, I was magnetised by that.”
She met the love of her life, Shane in 2008. “He’s been the only one that’s loved me as I am; he’s never judged me and has always told me how beautiful he thinks I am.” Not long after Shane proposed, Anna decided to address her weight with more intensity. At this point she had lost 30 kilograms through healthy eating.
In 2008 she tried the Sure-slim diet. Each meal had to be five hours apart and no snacking was permitted. In nine months she lost 47 kilograms. She also hired a personal trainer and said her confidence built with praise from those around her. “I was so motivated and focused.”
During this time Anna won a competition to train with Shannon and Michelle from The Biggest Loser. They were very supportive and gave her encouragement and tips to keep on track. She found this experience only motivated her more – sadly the motivation didn’t last.
Within a year she put all the weight back on. Shane lost his job and with this came financial strain and stress in their relationship, and Anna turned to food for comfort. She started drinking a few glasses of wine every night “to numb” herself from all the stress. She said during this time she was in denial about her weight gain and pretended she didn’t care. “I had lost motivation and couldn’t get my mojo back.” After several months, Shane got a job and this eased the pressure.
It took another twelve months for Anna to re-address her weight.
In February of this year Anna decided to have lap-band surgery. The knowledge that one in 2000 people who have the surgery die, due to complications afterwards was not enough to stop her. She said she was desperate and would die anyway if she didn’t take drastic action. She felt “excited and relieved” once she was booked in for the keyhole surgery.
The band works by creating a sense of fullness. It presses on the stomach, which makes the brain think that the stomach is full and therefore requires no more food.
All patients having the surgery at The Melbourne Surgical Group must have a full examination by a physician. This includes blood tests and a chest x-ray to ensure patients are fit for surgery. It also includes appointments with a dietician to advise what to expect before and after the surgery and a psychologist to asses the mental health of patients.
Jan Murphy has been working as a nurse at the group for 18 months. She said to qualify for the surgery patients need to have a Body Mass Index of over 35. She also said poor body image is common in patients. “A variety of personal experiences cause them to eat for emotional reasons. That’s why this surgery is such a positive thing to do; the success rate is high and it can often have a big impact on a lot of aspects of their lives.”
Anna said her pre-surgery psychologist; Dr Ranya Mavaris was horrified at the discriminatory events that occurred in her childhood. Dr Mavaris told Anna it was no surprise she had poor body image and a dysfunctional relationship with food.
She also said this is why Anna seeks approval from her others. “I had been told from when I was young that I wasn’t good enough.” Anna said her consultation with Dr Mavaris helped put her experiences and the affect on her into perspective.
On March 23 Anna had the surgery. For two weeks prior, she was on a diet of meal replacement shakes. This is to kick start weight loss, and shrink the stomach in preparation for surgery. Two weeks after the surgery Anna was able to progress from meal replacement shakes to eating pureed solids. A week after this she had the first fluid put into her stomach, via a tiny port created during the operation. The fluid activates the band and creates the small pouch, which is the new smaller stomach.
She has lost 17 kilograms to date. The weight loss is slow – but it’s permanent. Anna is aiming to lose 50 kilograms in total before December. Once she is at her goal weight she will have surgery to remove the excess skin from her arms.
Anna and Shane will be married in November 2011. She knows having the surgery was one of the best things she ever did. Her love of life has returned and she is no longer consumed or controlled by thoughts of food. She has finally overcome the traumatic experience of her childhood.
